Archive

Archive for June, 2009

Good News if You’re a Dysfunctional Whack-Job!

June 20th, 2009

For too long now all the lazy, dysfunctional people of the world had to make their way by either sapping the charity of others or living on the government dole.

I’m not talking about un-skilled people who often have to take menial jobs until they learn valuable trades or develop the discipline that will allow them to move up through an organization, adding greater and greater value as they grow. I’m talking about the people of the world who are so emotionally disturbed that they simply can’t (or won’t) hold down a job where they work to contribute to society in a way that rewards them for their labors.

I just learned that T.O. (Tyrell Owens, professional-football-player-slash-gangster-wannabe) is now on a reality Television show. This is GREAT!

He’s following in the footsteps of other world-class losers like the Octo-mom who has no job, no husband or partner, and no source of income but was able to convince a fertility doctor to impregnate her with eight viable, fertilized eggs and gave birth like a bitch to a litter of puppies (I use the term here only in it’s legitimate use, not as the more often used slang definition, though either might apply).

Fortunately for the taxpayers, the Octo-mom was able to secure a deal for a reality TV show as well. While some have lamented this as a sign of the imminent collapse of society as we know it, I contend that this is proof that Capitalism works if we give it a chance.

I still think the doctor in question should have his license revoked as he clearly failed to uphold his moral duties charged him as a graduate of medical school. But I am also glad that this otherwise non-producer (and rabid RE-producer!) is able to earn a living and should hopefully be able to pay for at least the basic needs of her ridiculously large, single-parent family without too much assistance from you and me as taxpayers.

Of course, we owe all this to the likes of Paris Hilton, who had a monthly allowance from daddy bigger than most of us earn in a really good year but was willing to sacrifice her thin wisp of dignity in order to blaze a new trail for fellow whack-jobs who were not so fortunate to be born multi-billionaires. Her willingness to expose her lunacy on national TV for money that she clearly did not need, opened doors for fellow lunatics who might otherwise have to live on taxpayer assistance.

So for all the people who hear voices in the night telling them to shave their heads or drown their babies, for all the washed-up celebrities and musicians who squandered the millions they made when times were good, for all the athletes who could make hundreds of millions of dollars playing a game they love if they could only learn to get along with others, EMBRACE your new career as a reality TV star and thank Paris Hilton for showing you the way.

Uncategorized

Business of Magic Year Six

June 18th, 2009

As many of you know, for more than six years now I’ve been writing a monthly column in “The Linking Ring” (the world’s largest, most widely distributed trade journal for professional magicians).

Distribution of the magazine is limited to the membership roles of the somewhat exclusive and secretive society, The International Brotherhood of Magicians. For those of you who are not members but would like to hear the business advice I’ve been providing the world’s top performers and entertainers I’ve recorded the various articles over the years and released them as audio products.

The most recent edition (Year Six) is now available as an instant, digital MP3 download. I work purposely to keep the total time of the recording under 80 minuts so that if you want, you can burn the recording to CD, if you prefer that format. Here’s the button to buy the MP3 if you want.

Year 6, instant MP3 download with no shipping – $12

Years 1-6 (8 HOURS!) instant MP3 download, no shipping – $59

Alternatively, you can visit my website http://www.julianspeaks.com/ and click the link to products. There you’ll find most of my 20+ books, all my CD programs including Business of Magic years 1-5 AND the entire set of years 1-6 as a “Boxed Set” discount in both downloadable format as well as CD that we can ship to you.

Uncategorized